I highly recommend adding a sneer, an eye roll, and a look of disgust to your repertoire. If those aren't unmistakable signs of interest, I don't know what is.
Hmm, all these years I thought the girls in school actually hated me and here I was the object of their secret desires. Yes, I think I have decided to believe that. Thank you Sarah Brown for making my teen years much more glamorous.
Oh, hell, just kiss him already. Middle school was never all that.
If you'd like, I can pass him a note during study hall. He could check yes, no or maybe. ;) (but seriously, don't feel bad, I tend to be the same way with someone I really like-maybe it's a curse of the SBs-my initials too)
Listen, I am flattered, I really am. But I am happily married. Go wreck somebody else's marriage!
I've noticed that I'm extremely mean to good looking people in general. It's not on purpose. I think subconsciously I think they have it good since they're so good looking and I feel inclined to bring their shit down a peg. The meanness is in direct proportion to the level of attractiveness.
hey b, you truly are a mysterious woman. like an enigma wrapped in bacon or something. i think i'd pee my pants if you actually found a way to hide in a closet the next time you saw him.
I'm going to start carrying a closet with me at all times.
Maybe you could try the old "picturing him naked" trick so beloved by public speakers to ease the nervous desire to run and hide in a closet when he's around.
Though actually, if you've got a crush on him, that's probably not the best approach, is it? Then you'd like him even MORE and you'd end up pulling his hair and kicking him in the balls while shouting "your mother is a whore!"
This solves the mystery of my life. Thank you.
I love it when I check for updates and end up laughing out loud. Rock on, Sarah Brown.
Sarah, why don't you try washing your dirty ass hair and stop being such a god damn bitch to people for a change?
I do all of this too. Which is maybe why it took me three years to end up with a certain someone.
I enjoy reading this more vulnerable stuff from you.
Maybe your intense "hatred" will translate into some serious sexual inensity if you two ever get together. I know some people who fight just for the make up sex. Either way - your writing always leaves me snorting with laughter! Gracias.
Ah, springtime.
So who is the mystery orphan, anyway?
is it the docter? please say it is! you so need a nice new york doctah!!
Well, I think that's kinda hot. But maybe it's because I was the same way as a kid. In sixth grade, there was a girl I liked named LeeAnn. Whenever she would talk to me on the playground, I ended up kicking her in the shins - and that became our thing. O, to be young again...except, now that I have good insurance, it might get dangerous, you know?
I think you just gave hope to guys around the world. I can hear a resounding "Oh" as they realize that's why girls are sometimes mean to them.
If you keep this up, you're going to get detention.
We always hurt the ones we like.
I am with you. Being mean to boys gets them interested though, for some weird reason. You can be nice to them after you already have them in your filthy little clutches, but I still find insults and belittling to be the best way to get the dishes done.
"god, you total freeloader, buy some milk while you're out today!"
you never know; I used to have fantasies about being raised in an orphanage. but mostly they just involved tobey maguire reading david copperfield to me and then calling me his prince.
Boys like a little abuse.
Take it from me...I've tortured every one of my signif others. Still they loved me.
*sigh*
Sick bastards.
Several years ago I met this guy, smooched on him, and then the following morning, came very close to succeeding in pushing him out of a [non-moving] car.
I was suddenly and inexplicably compulsed to try the TV move of unclicking his seatbelt, reaching across him to open his door, and pushing him out, all in one fell swoop.
Long story longer, this guy wound up proposing to me a year and a half later. So, (1) I totally get the impulse and (b) it's not a deal breaker. :)
PS: to echo the sentiment of a previous poster, is it the doctor? Because MAN he sounded like the hottness. :)
I agree with Heather #2. These more vulnerable posts are so rich and universal. Even though you are usually totally egalitarian, when you show us your weakness I feel like we've stepped in a pace and are closer to you. (And, uh, not in, like, a stalker way.)
Funny cause it's TRUE! I've been blushing every time my crush is near and I don't understand why I'm acting like a 7th grader.
Wow, looks like I've found my flirting kindred spirit. Crazy.
I actually told a guy that the more I drink the funnier he gets. Yeah, that went over quite well. Bah.
Good luck and keep us posted on any other crazy things that might come out of your mouth!
There's a quote from a song that I've always found to be poignant: "We hurt the ones we love the most, it's a subtle form of discipline." Fitting, right?
Only just now I googled it to remember who sang it and found that it was Shakespeare's Sister.
Then I barfed in my mouth a little bit and rued the day I was a teen with a penchant for angsty lyrics.
Still, fitting. Mortifyingly so, but fitting.
oh man. do i miss having crushes like that. that's it, i'm going out and finding myself someone to middle school on. maybe i'll pull out their chair too.