All of a sudden, you will become acutely aware of how many women employ the words "princess" and "fairytale" when describing how they want their wedding day to pan out and you will immediately lose a decent chunk of respect for the public at large. I never knew there were SO many grown women with princess fantasies until I got engaged. It was quite eye-opening.
I'm right with you. Hence our *Pop Up Wedding*
Do what's best for you, seriously.
The woman in this article "always dreamed of dramatic, four-foot high table centerpieces."
You know what I always dream of? Me and Christian Bale in a killer whale tank. Honest to god recurring dream.
We planned a small, lovely wedding and I avoided those magazines like the plague. I don't have the gene either; but I learned you don't need it.
Yup. Just around the time I start to regret the running off to Vegas wedding my husband and I had, I read something like this. God! We had a great wedding.
My wedding, we had pie and played lawn games. My idea for your wedding: super hero-themed pool party. Think about it.
While I planned my wedding my invite company went under, stole $ from me and then when I complained an Indian man name Juan told me to eat wonton soup.
I feel like planning a wedding is preparation for the actual thing. If you two can band together and survive the PINK OH THE PINK! You can beat anything.
My idea for your wedding: super hero-themed pool party. Think about it.
When I planned my wedding, the invite company went out of business. Stole my money. And when I complained a mexican man in India told me to eat Chinese food. http://www.realweddings.ca/article.cfm?contenttypeid=2&articleid=391
Wedding planning is preparation for marriage. If you can come through the OCEAN OF PINK with your relationship intact, you can survive anything. Even zombies.
The bride allele also seems to have been left out of my genetic code. I am the worst bride ever! I told my family there would be no wedding colours, but they have all covertly coordinated their outfits--apparently the pictures will look "stupid" if we don't all match (my brother's words). I'm tempted to make them all wear the hideous things they made me wear at their weddings...Where is the magazine called Vengeful Bride?
Let me introduce you to OffbeatBride.com. Because that other stuff is not cute.
oh how i understand you, sarah brown. i don't have the gene either. i never opened a bridal mag. going to the wedding band jewelry store twice made me hyperventilate. which is why we got married at city hall, downtown manhattan (which is special enough!!!) and then had a small catered lunch with a small select group of friends and family. we didn't spend much money (nor did our parents) and it was the best wedding ever.
I was equally as uninterested in the whole bride thing. I don't ever want to care about bows and ribbons. I suggest either eloping or having a small exotic beach wedding. Cuts down the numbers and it is the resort's job to care about whether your napkins are white, ivory or cream. We got married in Fiji (not such a big deal from NZ). We just rocked up, had a party and had an awesome holiday with all our guests. No stress.
just have to add: the wedding industry is horrendous. it's a huge multi-million dollar industry based on preying on women's feelings and weird princess fantasies, not to mention a whole bunch of rules and regulations about what a perfect wedding should be like. industry is actually too positive a word, i think it's more like a racket.
(sorry for the rant-comment)
Hah! That's hilarious and awesome, with a side salad of terrifying.
ALTHOUGH. A pug! Covered with RIBBON! How can you NOT?
It could have bubble baths and eat cherries and make friends with the local raccoon population. To wit: http://tinyurl.com/knd4jc.
For what it's worth? Been doing the bridesmaid gig a fair amount recently, and for all the madness in the magazines - the *weddings* were brilliant :)
Have you seen http://offbeatbride.com/, and the like? They've some lovely ideas, some very sensible and cheap as chips...
A friend & I were just talking last night about the perils of dating men who are used to dating the girls with the princess gene. We are not those girl, and how are they to know at first? Poor guys.
I can't wait to see what you come up with for your wedding. Take copious notes! You have a captive audience; after all is said & done, perhaps this will be your next book! Seriously!
Oh yes -- I know Ariel, and actually still have my autographed copy of the Offbeat Bride book!
I think I'm just more into the idea of being married than being a bride. Which bodes well for my marriage, right?
We'll be having a city hall ceremony, due to fiance visas and all that waiting game. I am very happy about this.
"I think I'm just more into the idea of being married than being a bride."
That was it exactly, for me. Marriage, yes, forever. Wedding, no, I can't.
I had an outdoor thing with like 6 guests. And 3 of them had invited themselves. It was great.
If we hadn't had family involved, our wedding would have been completely different. That said, we did get the two things we really wanted, which was to have a really great party and to wear things that we wouldn't look back on and think, "Seriously? We wore WHAT?"
That said, I maybe got into it a little more than I should have. I don't have the bride princess gene, but I do have the strong opinion gene, and...yeah. Kinda wish I'd been born without that one.
Do what you want to do for your wedding. I remember seeing a small, joyous wedding party walking to City Hall in Manhattan when we were in the thick of planning our wedding and thinking, "Oh, maybe we should just do that instead."
I don't have the bride gene either. I didn't wear white, didn't have colors, or a maid of honor. We had none of it. We just wanted to be married. Small garden wedding in my parents yard and married by a judge that I knew personally who gave us a great ceremony. No honor and obey crap. Just love each other and remember that you are separate people who want to join their life together. None of that 2 become 1 crap. Anyhow get a great dress that you look gorgeous in and a yummy cake. Those are the things that matter!
You are very wise to focus on the marriage and not the wedding!
For what it's worth, my husband and I "eloped" and then had a reception a month later. I use quotes on "eloped," because we sent out announcements telling people what we were doing, but no one was invited to the actual event. They were all invited to the party afterward, and it was awesome.
To each her own! :)
"We'll be having a city hall ceremony, due to fiance visas and all that waiting game. I am very happy about this."
Ach, fair play missus! I love that :D
When my sister got wed, her old friend Eamonn officiated, and said 'no matter the wedding; you're still married the same, at the end of the day'.
He was a wise, wise man :)
People go insane, and more power to them if they want a seating chart (held aloft by aforementioned pug sprinkled in pink powder with a bow on top...).
But it's the marriage that's important. That's the point. That's why you're there.
(Also: boo to the waiting game. The waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry, Hungry Hippos!)
Are you the Lainey who sent me the nice message on Twitter? It wouldn't let me reply for some reason, but thank you, that was so sweet.
Yup, that's me! You're lovely :) Sent on a coleslaw-cracker-and-internet break, when I was meant to be writing in my sister's garden shed. Your post was a wonderful thing to see :)
Glad the tweet went through; Twitter's a fun beastie, but as skittish as a Victorian lady with a touch of the vapours...
I almost had a panic attack when I bought my first wedding magazine. And DO NOT visit theknot.com. That's for crazy brides.
Amen to avoiding theknot.com. Just love y' man.
The whole "wedding" thing makes my palms sweat. I agree with either City Hall, small backyard with like 10 peeps or less, or on a beach in Maui with immediate family, and if they can't make it. reception to follow. I cannot even handle the whole "planning a wedding" thing. Or "picking out a dress" thing. I'd rather have my pinky toe shot off. Do your own thang, Sarah - no worries. City Hall is PERFECT!!!
my dress cost 5 bucks (long story but true), we fed our 30 guests good cake and champagne, and are celebrating our 8th anniversary tomorrow. screw the industry!
I always knew I wanted to be married, but never bothered to pre-plan a wedding. I actually had a friend in high school that had a binder full of wedding plans even though she was only 15 and didn't have a boyfriend. My dream wedding involved a trip to Vegas and Elvis side-burns. True Story.
I ended up with a traditional wedding because I have a mother-in-law and she has no daughters. I can honestly say that 7 years later I still don't care what kind of wedding I had and never never think back to that *magical* day.
I do fear that my own daughter will be one of those crazy wedding girls though as she is currently dressed up like a fairy. She's trying to fool pixie dust in to believing she's a fairy so it will land on her. God help me.
I'm DEEP in the throws of wedding planning and wish TO GOD we could just chuck it all, fly to Vegas and have an Elvis marry us...That being said, I love my shoes and dress.
Can I vote for a kick-ass, post city hall party with take-out Chinese, macaroons, buckets of beer, and $5 bubbly? Perhaps on New Year's Eve? I have plans for you Sarah Brown, and they involve neither ribbons or bows...but maybe a birdcage veil.
i'm with you all the way til the bow-covered pug -- that should definitely not be left out.
You really can do anything you want. For example:
I have to say, I don't think it's about having a wedding "gene." And, in fact, I think that's kind of belittling to women. I think it's just a matter of who has bought into the whole wedding-industrial-complex and who hasn't. Too many girls who've been told they need to hinge their identity on playing princess and being pretty have grown into women who know no other way to signify.
Um, sorry. Grad school talking.
My big question is: will the invitations feature calligraphy?!?
OK, I'm totally late to this, but CONGRATS!! So exciting.
But I know what you mean. I found all the bridey stuff overwhelming and frankly, so much of it was dumb and over-marketed. Ugh. We ended up having a big old barbecue as our reception. Sticking it to the man and whatnot.
And no pugs were decorated.
I'm just going to say this - partly because it is my personal ambition to do this myself: PICNIC WEDDING. Ideally, potluck picnic wedding. Or, maybe you don't love potlucks like I love potlucks, but he did propose during a picnic, right?
Maybe just a picnic reception with frisbees and beer, after City Hall.
I mean, you do what you want, lady. Whatever it is, it'll be great. Even better if you can involve Christian Bale and a tank full of orca.
If we flew you to California, could we throw you an Abraham Lincoln themed bachelorette party?
Only stovepipe hats and beards for these hens.
Hey also. Offbeatbride can sometimes be just as bad as all the others. There are weddings up there with like, elephants and giraffes and shit. How am I supposed to compete with that!?
re: "thinking back to that magical day" i never do. i love being married to my husband, but the wedding day left my mind as soon as it was over.
that's always frightened the crap out of me: if your wedding day is the best day of your life, what the hell does that say about the actual marriage that follows?
I could totally see how your wedding day could be the happiest day of your life, if you were marrying someone you loved in front of all your friends and family, all together in the same place at the same time. But yeah, I see what you're saying.
I would only advocate a few (perhaps 1 or 2 total) visits to the Knot.com in order to remind yourself how happy you are that you are not any of the women that frequent that site. A nice life-affirming activity, really, whenever you find yourself in need a pick-me-up.
Oh and the fun begins- as you get caught up in the tiny arrangements and argue with relatives about such important issues as veil length, invitation verbiage and other such erudite subject matter. My Mum and I stopped speaking for a month when I was married because I refused to wear a sweet heart neck line- it made me look like a transvestite.
At the end of the day tho you love Nick, he loves you and if you end up doing it in a box at the court house and the whole budget goes on the ribbon dressed pug (because that's this season's MUST HAVE, DAAAAHRLING and you know you have to share the photos), the outcome is the same- you go home Mrs. Nick Brit and nothing is better than that. There are greater things at sea and all that stuff- you have your prize!!
P.S. have you thought about a Paypal donation box for your site? I am sure your readers would love to donate a little something towards the Matrimony Fund. You have entertained us all these years for free so it would be our way of giving back. Hey, it might just pay for that pug *is now officially obsessed*...
Hi! Found you through Finslippy. Congratulations! Exciting news. The wedding planning becomes obnoxious but those magazines will provide more than a few laughs. While I loved my wedding - I wish I had done the destination thing with a few of my best friends and my family. And I wish we had saved some of that wedding money for something a little more important. I guess I could not get over the idea of the wedding in my early 20's. Boo. Would love that moolah now! Have fun planning whatever you do for the big day but most importantly keep having fun together! Congrats again!
Wedding magazines are why we threw the most bitchin' kegger party ever for our wedding. Renting the space was our biggest expense, and we got a deal on that, too. Call in favors from friends, write your own ceremony, just think of it as throwing an awesome party. We got the local supermarket to cater it, and nobody had any idea: we fed 100 people for $800, it was AWESOME.
Believe me, it's the best way. My first wedding was H.U.G.E. and pretty much 'owned' by everyone else. I didn't feel a part of it and ended up more focussed on trying to be the life size Barbie Doll everyone wanted me to be. SO focussed in fact that I seemed to entirely miss the fact my 'Ken Doll' was shagging everything with a pulse behind my back.
Fast forward 10 years and I did the same as you- married my long distance love. I was the Brit and we did the K1 visa thing (the process sucked but the outcome was so worth it). You have 90 days to get married and after 2 years of dealing with the INS we weren't about to waste any time. We instead treated it like a game show where we had to get it all done as cheaply and as quickly as possible- we would set each other stupid challenges!! I arrived on the 12th and we were wed on the 16th- just the two of us and two token friends to sign the papers. We spent a total of fifty bucks- including registration and flowers!!
We have been together for 7 years almost and I love him more than I can say. We did it for the right reasons...
BUT... I wanted nice photos from a nice day (rather than having us on the mantel piece looking bemused outside the court house in a photo taken at an odd angle on a disposable camera). So the UK fam are coming to Florida this year for a vacation and we're going to have the 'real' wedding then... in costume... Waiting meant we could save up to afford something amazing and still be together.
Just a thought... celebrating the big day with a renewal of vows on an anniversary is a great way to compromise and by then you're already married legally so folks tend to be a little less invasive about their preferences vis a vis the look and feel of the day.
Good luck, Sarah and email if you need help. I just got my restrictions lifted on my green card so we're still dealing with the INS but it's worth it. I got my man!!
My good friends did the civil service thing and then had a big party months afterward. Everyone still came, and because it wasn't a 'wedding' people were much more relaxed (and - no dress, no fancy cake, no vows, no flowers, etc. etc. - just potluck food anc cake and lots of fun dancing). They also had a party right after the service, at a bar, with family and a few friends. Both kinds of parties were awesome. You should definitely have a party of some kind. Why not at Soda, or even Union Hall, or something like that? If it's small enough you don't even have to alert the place beforehand - everyone just shows up, has some drinks, toasts you, and then heads home. Weddings are okay, but parties (like all good marriages) are forever!