- Not traveling more when I was young
- Hoping instead of doing
- Letting her leave
- not having a V8
- (Psst, can I say 1983 to 1986?}
The Catholic school uniform sounds like a good idea, but mostly they're really uncomfortable. Kinda itchy.
This completely freaks me out; on my way home tonight, I was thinking of making a list of regrets. At the top of which now would be "not making my list of regrets before Sarah had to prompt me to do it."
Also: Not helping an elderly gentleman in our town write his memoirs. Not stealing the photobooth pictures of Beck + his toys when I had the chance. Not going to that flea market in the south of France. Leaving those Swedish ski shoes with the green and white laces behind.
(And I would be in line right behind Jeff. Yes, I have had half a bottle of wine. But I'm okay with that if you are.)
I took Latin all through high school. I wish I would have taken Spanish.
- Not kissing that boy on the stairs that day.
- Not exercising in college--now that I have children my mind boggles at how I didn't think I had time.
- Not figuring out budget basics when I was young and credit card debt free
- Not moving sooner from the suburbs post-college
- Not moving to the suburbs sooner post-children
- Not commenting more often on blogs I like.
I minored in Italian during college. My very last final was a 15-minute speech about god knows what, but it was spoken in Italian.
I was fully fluent in Italian.
I STILL haven't been to Italy.
-being too shy to tell them how much I really loved them
-not buying my BFF a plane ticket to be at my impromptu wedding
-not getting out of the house sooner after the bebe was born
-never wore a tutu
I regretted getting together with a friend's ex-boyfriend way too soon after they had broken up. It hurt her quite a bit. We ended up being friends afterward and I never did that again to anyone else. That was pretty tacky in retrospect. I should call her.
+ not trying in college.
+ not being there for my dad when he needed me most.
+ not doing anything special with my life.
My biggest regret is that I didn't try harder in high school. Would have made college much easier. (The actual experience of college and getting into a better one.)
Not sleeping with Heath Ledger when I had the chance back in Perth.
Not realizing how smouldering and beautiful I was back when I was smouldering and beautiful. Insufficiently profiting from the fleeting dark-eyed beauty years.
Also, the Latin thing.
1. Not focusing on college more (and only just now graduating)
2. Not holding her hand at least once while she was here (and alive)
3. Sending that letter (and never hearing from her again)
4. Not stopping that wedding because I knew it was a bad idea
The list goes on, but that's all I can stand to write about for the moment.
There is not too much I regret because it all got me to this point. I like this point alright.
Mine also involves kissing specifically not kissing the boy I was madly in love with when I was 15. He was standing right in front of me leaning in and I got terrified and RAN AWAY.
It was never really the same between us after that.
Not spending a semester in Europe while in college.
Deciding not to seek a job in New York after graduation.
Worrying too much about what other people think.
Ooh, me too, the semester in Europe! I'm adding that one.
I didn't take soccer either.
Not getting that "you have to respect the Back to the Future rules" tattoo sooner.
Thanks for pointing out the very important distinction between 'wish I hadn't done x' vs 'wish I hadn't passed on doing x'. Now I have a regret project I can get behind.
i didn't do soccer either.
-not taking ballet. it MIGHT have helped with the whole lack of grace thing.
-not letting my dad move us to hawaii when i was 13
-pining for a year after he joined the Navy
-not studying abroad in college
-not practicing. That, I think, is the biggest regret of my life.
"I mean, sure, there are two or three people in my life that I honestly wish I'd never met"
So, I see you're still on about that whole slumber party thing. ;)
Here are some of mine:
-not joining the Peace Corps because I was in a relationship
-quitting piano & not knowing how to read music
-not learning Spanish (though I'm still going to do this eventually)
-not learning more from my Dad while he was alive
-all the times when I've been too self-conscious to be myself, be goofy, speak up, or dance
I'd also like to add that I don't regret all the procrasinating. It all turned out fine. I don't feel guilty about it anymore; now I know it's just the way I work.
- Not believing Baz Luhrman, the year I graduated from high school and "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" came out, that in fact I was not as fat as I imagined
- Not trying to make friends when I started law school
- Not eloping
On a rainy day like today, I think the big regrets would mire me down. There are many. So I'll keep it light:
I regret every day I haven't taken a calcium supplement. Which is pretty much every day. One day in the future I'm going to get up to walk, and I'll just crack right in half.
not pushing myself to be a smarter nurse, I mean I still can't figure out blood gases and I have been a nurse 32 years. I am a kind nurse though and that counts for something.
i wish that i kept doing cartwheels. I just didn't realize that the last cartwheel was the last cartwheel. Sometimes I wish I didn't have an epiduaral for each of my 4 deliveries but to be completley honest...I am glad I did.
i wish I hadn't wished my children older.
thanks Sara
-Not being more persuasive and talking my mom out of getting me braces when I was 17. I would have a lot more fun in HS. A LOT more fun.
-All those times I pushed and prodded him and I knew deep down that a person could only take so much before they'd leave.
-Kissing that boy when I knew he had a fiancee.
-Thinking way too much about the old when the present is pretty awesome.
-I regret not being more of a people person when I was younger because now I am often paralyzed at the mere prospect of social interactions. Working on this one.
Lovely post, Sarah. Sorry you never made it to Academic Bowl; it's one of my fondest memories from High School (See: Braces ages 17-18).
"I just didn't realize that the last cartwheel was the last cartwheel."
Wow. That's a punch in the gut.
- I regret not listening to my feelings sooner, and more often
- I regret all the times I kept the peace for the sake of the peace
- I regret not telling him that I was a virgin
-Helping my boyfriend pick out the engagement ring, so the proposal wasn't a surprise.
-The four years I spent living in Wyoming.
-All those fights I picked with my parents.
-Not telling my friend I had always loved him before he died.
-Never spending even a single evening as a go-go dancer.
-Never getting my own apartment.
My regrets:
-Actually asking guys out on dates when I was a freshman at college instead of spending nearly every Friday and Saturday in my dorm talking about how I wish I had a date.
-Practicing more at soccer. I was no where near getting a scholoarship to play, but I think I couldn't have given it a little more effort.
-Being shy.
Spending two years stuffed into a studio apartment with the boy I thought I loved, slowly watching my personality dissolve until there wasn't anything left but what he thought was fine.
Not saying "Cos I can't even look in your eyes/without shaking and I ain't faking/I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon" during my wedding ceremony. Instead I said I love you. How boring is THAT?
:Being afraid to audition for my college dance team (sounds hokey, I know, but I loved to dance)
:Not doing a semester abroad
:Not learning a foreign language (2 yrs max on one language)
:Not learning Latin (would've helped in law school)
:Not applying myself when "learning" piano and talking my parents into letting me quit
:Not sticking up for myself
:Not realizing I was young & cute when I was, AMEN
:Not pursuing writing, especially as a career
-Not paying attention to my grandmother more when she spoke Italian. I only speak broken Italian now, and there is no excuse for that.
-Allowing my significant other to charge up his credit cards, saying sure, we can pay them off later.
-Not finishing my book, like, yesterday.
* Not braving the highest of the rope swings in college.
* Not completing the Ledyard Challenge.
* Never riding on the back of Ben's motorcycle.
* Not sticking with any of the instruments I've tried to play.
* Never won the state championship in academic bowl even though we had all the knowledge and we made it to the finals and my dad even drove up to watch.
I'm not sure I'll ever get over this cartwheel thing.
Not going through with it when I still could've made it look like an accident.
-Being ashamed of my body.
-Hoping to do it someday instead of making it happen now.
-Not writing him the longest, most rambling letter I could think up, and sending it.
-Not getting my baba's paska bread recipe before she died.
-Not keeping up with my French after high school.
-Being too chicken to explore the city by myself.
Thank you, Ms. Brown; this has been an eye-opener.
* Not even APPLYING to Oxford or Cambridge, just because I knew I couldn't take the rejection if I didn't get in. (Why didn't I just try?)
* Not asking my parents if they were okay with me moving to San Diego to move in with my boyfriend right after graduating college; just telling them instead. I should have been more gentle.
* Making that sudden right hand turn in my car.
* Not opening the door when he knocked to say goodbye, just yelling out a cranky "see ya!" instead. He was going back to America from London for god's sake, and I couldn't even open the door? I was mad about something, and of course I never realized I wouldn't ever see him again.
being too lazy to do the things i want to do
not standing up for myself and others enough
not returning her kiss
not returning her kiss
not returning her kiss
1. Never staying in Rome all night and riding back to campus on the metro to make it back for class on time.
2. Deciding to have a roommate in Mexico.
3. Being completely oblivious about boys that liked me in high school. It could have been a lot more fun.
4. Stopping to make stuff, namely paintings and nail art.
5. Not learning more about cooking from my mom.
6. Never asking him why it didn't work out when we came back to school after the summer.
7. Trying harder in college to actually learn, not just pass the classes.
8. Worrying so much about IF I was going to be a good mom and IF I was going to like being a mom. That was a lot of wasted time.
9. Not being more outspoken.
10. Not hanging out with my grandpas more.
11. Going to that 80's Sadie Hawkins dance. That would have been fun.
I am SO happy that you do not regret the procrastination... of course it doesn't means that is going to work for everyone... It is too the way I work... totally
-Finding my grandpa embarrassing before he died. I wish I had talked baseball with him more.
-Waiting until I was married to DO IT. Stupid Calvinists.
-Thinking I was ugly and fat in college. And, come to think of it, thinking I'm ugly and fat now.
-Not quitting my first job out of college as soon as I knew it sucked.
-Not learning Dutch...yet! I will still do this one!
Thanks...this was cool.
The cartwheel one killed me.
I regret telling him that I was okay when I wasn't. That I asked what his new girlfriend was like rather than breaking into soap opera worthy tears.
I volunteered at a hospice for a few months and visited an older man named James, who was really the sweetest, most wonderful guy. His wife had recently died and he showed me pictures of her every time I came by. I transferred colleges (good decision) but I never went to tell him goodbye before I left. I should have.
* Not going abroad in college
* Dating those idiots
* Allowing myself to be pushed into a job I knew I would hate
* Not moving directly to the city -- fuck the 'burbs
I regret every single time I said "I hate you/you're a bad parent/I wish I was adopted" when I was too young to know better.
I regret thinking I was free-spirited and independent when I was really just careless and selfish.
I regret never really knowing my brother as an adult, and never trying to change that. I regret thinking that one day we'd both grow up, and it would happen on its own. I regret finding his suicide note, that I was not mentioned in it, and that that bothered me.
***
I couldn't agree more - I never regret sleeping in, or calling in sick when I'm not (if I do that, I NEED it).
I never regret eating something truly delicious, down to the last crumb.
I never regret drunk texts...even some that I probably should. But if someone can't take a joke, or hasn't been there themselves, well...no thanks.
I never regret staying in to read.
I never regret thinking "this can't/won't last", but enjoying the moment anyways.
~ being a couch potato as a kid
~ using every excuse imaginable, including "female problems" to get out of gym class
(I never played soccer either)
~ being scared to take a chance on happiness
~ Chasing the guy I knew would never love me, but hoping I could change his mind
~ Believing people when they said my dreams were unrealistic
~ Settling on mediocre instead of packing up and heading to NYC after high school. I might not have made it, but at least I would have tried
~ Being held back so many times by fear
~ Thinking there will always be time to go back and fix things
I regret:
--Not telling him I loved him even though I knew he didn't love me.
--Not being more involved in all that my college had to offer.
--Being so shy that I had to leave him the note in his mailbox, instead of saying it to his face.
--Leaving my cat in Texas with my boyfriend, when I knew he and I wouldn't last much longer. I still don't know what happened to my cat (or my ex).
--Not being the person my family wanted me to be. I know they still love me, but are they proud of me?
--Being too scared to reapply to the PhD programs that rejected me the first round.
--Letting my fear of flying keep me from trips I should have taken. (working on this!)
SB! Remember that you are STILL young and cute so you won't regret feeling otherwise later!
* I wish I had fought harder for my letter jacket in high school.
* I wish I had moved away after school to another state...now it's too late.
* I wish I had taken the film out of my mom's camera before every funeral we ever attended.
* Not going inside when they put my beloved dog to sleep.
* Taken more pictures with her when she was here
-Not being nice when it would have kept her from crying on the playground. Haunting.
-Not jumping with delight for my sister's engagement. Also haunting.
-Not kissing him passionately every time. There's still time to change this one.
being 24 years old, having never learned to do a cartwheel, and realizing that i probably never will.
also, being pathetically envious of anyone who's ever had this ability.
letting the mention of her name still make my stomach tight.
not taking that scholarship and going to that nowhere school in nowhere Texas to be close to her knowing she would never do the same. (she didn't)
not saying simply "Don't Go" on my patio that day when you said you were moving with him to OK.
Not buying that 66 fastback
but mostly for coming back to office after lunch in the park on this perfect NYC friday afternoon.
I thought of one more; not writing my grampa more letters. I am happy for every one I did send him though.
-- Not having more kids
-- getting fat
-- 3 years after getting thin, finding myself fat again
-- lying about the behavior of that boy who was mean to my son, making his actions seem worse than they were so the adults would take it seriously and punish him. I hope he didn't get into too much trouble and I am often awaked at night fro the guilt of it. He was just a kid.
-- not recognizing cries for help from others... until a stranger heard mine and made all the difference. Now I can begin recognizing them, too.
-- Not saving that voicemail message from Allen Ginsberg
-- Quitting my publishing job because it was hard
-- Not learning languages
-- Not asking more questions when it was most important
-- Not getting how negative I was for so long and losing friends because of it
-- Being whiny at those crucial times, when I'd spent so much time cultivating a "not whiny" persona (and, no, I *was* whiny. Not just expressing my emotions constructively.)
-- Not realizing that that everybody stinks at stuff when they first start it -- everyone has to practice, so I'm not incompetent if it doesn't come easily at first.
What's funny and sad about this regret stuff is that while we can see so clearly what I regret here, it's still very hard to make sure to do the stuff so we won't have more regrets. Like right now, I'm spending time with my mom, and I have thought actively many times, "Cherish this time together. You will look back on this time either with happiness or with regret depending on how you hold it in your hands now." And I'm still a brat to her. Must stop!
Thank you for your post, Sarah.
I regret
-not moving to NYC, now it's too late
-not believing in myself
-not learning how to play the piano
-not exercising
-not learning how to speak Italian
-not sitting down with my grandparents and writing down the family tree and their childhood memories
-not having a baby in my twenties
-not getting a second opinion
All week I've been thinking "Either I'm late, or I'm in trouble." I've been constructing a list like this in my mind every day.
This is is my wake up call to get up already and do the things I want and need to do, the things I won't forgive myself for not doing ten, fifteen years from now. I'm going to get my shit together and live smarter, happier, and better.
I regret
-Taking for granted how much I exercised/played sports in high school and that I never, ever, thought twice about what I ate. Christ I wish I could go back to that.
Knowing that she was definitely too drunk to drive her car, but not recognizing that I was too.
Now, still not being over it - and knowing that I never will.
I stuck with piano and let me tell you kids, it ain't all its cracked up to be.
not going with those guys to switzerland because we had a train to catch
not sleeping with him and missing my chance
not "letting my hair down" until I was out of college
*not learning to play basketball, pool or video games.
*not perming my hair at least one time to see how ridiculous i could possibly look. I did shave it once though.
*not keeping in touch with my brother when I was in my twenties
*not hugging my mom a little tighter the last time I saw her. Ditto with my dad.
*not traveling abroad before I had kiddos.
*not taking more pictures of my growing belly when I was pregnant with my quadruplets.
*not letting him have his space sooner
- Being damn near fluent in Spanish when I graduated from high school and now 4 years later, being soooo far from fluent.
- Running up my credit cards and then being chained to jobs that don't fit while I'm paying them off
- giving up on being a writer, although deep down I'm not sure I've fully given up on that one, and at least now I write for myself on my blog.
This isn't a regret yet... but if I don't do it, it will be one.
I want to pan handle outside a Walmart with my guitar, which I cannot play.
I'm just curious to see how much I could make off of empathetic strangers.
~Having never been asked out on a date in high school. I must have been such a dork.
~Never riding a horse until I was in my mid-30's. It is so hard to learn to ride as an old lady!
~Being convinced I was fat for the majority of my life...and not accepting the fact that I would never be tall and leggy and tan...and a high school cheerleader.
~Not thanking Mr. G for being so nice to me on the night of senior prom. He was picking me up to babysit his kids and never said a word about why the hell I was babysitting on prom night...as we passed several fancy limos and formally-dressed classmates.
~Not calling Pam. I miss her so much now that she is gone.
Not getting to go to his funeral (I didn't know about it until a month after-the-fact.)
None of my others matter after that one.
I'm pretty sure you're going to be adding, "Didn't go to Comic Con" to this list.
^ cheating
^ not breaking it off more gently
^ not spending more time with grandpa
^ losing touch with my stand partner. she was/probably still is a very neat person.
^ the foreign language thing.
^ the study abroad in college thing.
^ the not trying harder/participating more in college thing.
^ any time i've ever said something hateful behind someone's back.
^ quitting the violin after 18 years.
^ all those years i spent as a pothead. what a waste of time.
-staying in certain relationships way too long after they were just so clearly over.
-not dealing with my self-esteem shit when i was a kid. it's biting my adult self in the ass.
-smoking for 12 years.
I have so many regrets that I regret having so many regrets.
I did spend a semester in Europe, and I regret not enjoying it more.
I didn't play soccer either. But I'm kind of happy about that one.
I wish I'd dyed my hair a weird-ass color at least once. Like an aqua blue or crayon red.
Technically I could still do this, but now I have a vivid and all-natural silver stripe in my hair and I like it too much to give it up.
1. Not trying out for the dance team in college.
2. Not accepting help sooner for my depression.
3. Not being closer to my sister in high school and college.
4. Not finishing the thank-you notes for wedding presents yet. Oh, how it weighs on me.
5. Not getting a tattoo when I was still impulsive enough to get a tattoo.
Not staying to have a glass of wine with this old italian barber and the shoeshine guy who shared his shop. They were closing up shop right before christmas and I was the last customer. I bet they tell great stories.
and not seeing the Pixies because I was too snobby to go to a reunion tour. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
First time poster, but I love these kind of lists. I'm only twenty and have few regrets, but I can anticipate future regrets!
1. I will regret caring too much over relationships that no longer brought promise or joy.
2. I will regret not being nicer and more understanding for my parents.
3. I will regret not finding a way to stay in England.
I will, however, be doing more cartwheels in the future. A cartwheel a day!
Not being crazier in college.
Not enjoying my time in Spain more.
Not helping my dad write that book (or offering to, at least).
Not recording him telling any of his stories.
• Not taking any more art classes because I hated that one art teacher, and I'll show her!
• Not telling that boy how I really felt
• Not studying abroad for a semester
1. Never ever living on my own.
2. Skipping every party I was ever invited to between 1992 and 1999.
3. The pile of christmas cards I never addressed or sent last year
4. Sitting in line, waiting, rather than running to meet my very favorite famous person when I had the chance.
5. Not taking photos of my pregnant belly
Reading everyone else's regrets, I feel very happy about all the things I DID do. And not in a gloating way, like, "oh, I wasn't stupid enough to let that chance pass me by," but just thankful. Thankful for chances. I bet everybody who posted here could say that. For every study abroad program they didn't do, there's a New Year's Eve kiss that was just perfect. Or for every downtrodden person who was ignored, there was somebody who was hugged when they needed it the most.
Sarah, I think this, surprisingly, is one of the most redemptive things I've ever read.
I regret
~ not taking a leave of absence from work when my mom was diagnosed with cancer on the other side of the country
~ leaving the room before she died
1. Not eloping. Instead I had an awkward reception with a bunch of strangers because my family and friends from another province were too poor or cheap to fly out. IT. WAS. AWFUL.
2. Not writing down more of the funny/sweet thing that my kids did. I can never remember anything about my 3rd child when she was baby.
3. Not sending that letter to Jack Johnson back when he was less famous and might have actually read it and loved me and then written a song about me. Hey, it could happen. I at least could have gotten free tickets.
4. Telling my husband that I hate him sometimes. Ooops.
5. Quitting ballet when I was 7 because I was lazy. I really could have been great: I have the body of a dancer AND I'm flexible. The only good these two qualities have done for me is that I don't need help scratching my own back. I could do it in a tutu but that would just look silly.
6. Losing my virginity at age 14. It was not fun.
I didn't go abroad for a semester because I was in looooove... your list looks very similar to what mine would look like. And we're still young and cute, I have a feeling we'll be saying the same exact thing in another 10 years...
I would crawl through glass to get to that kissing booth. Just sayin'.