Is it alright with you if I steal the "don't puke on all these grandmas" line as I would now like to use it in every conversation I encounter until the day I die?
The birthday wishes from Cingular were the delicious pickles on that back-of-fridge sandwich.
"and also because my monthly budgets are not so much numbers on spreadsheets, but shimmery ideas that fly around inside my head like hibernating unicorns."
I am so using that phrase 24-7
Writing a book... don't even feel the need to explain lack of posts.
Most bipeds cannot structure a sturdy sentence...
Chin up... rock on.
omg...i got a hallmark card from Sprint the other day. wtf? it was an ACTUAL hallmark card! i saw the same one at the grocery store the next day. can I just have $2 off my next bill instead?
If you weren't my true-blue Internet friend, I'd get upset that your drafts and cast-offs are funnier than most people's actual work.
Here in Ecuador, burglars have started to send text messages signed by the cell phone company that tell you to go to an address to claim prizes so they can mug you when you come to pick them up. I wonder if they wish you a happy birthday afterwards. Well, only in south america
If you care about your friends, pass Alfredo's comment on to everyone you know otherwise you will get mugged on your next vacation by a street gang that pierces the genitals of all their victims with 5-inch long wood splinters that make you infertile.
You got it, girl. Just keep rowing. "Hibernating unicorns". You're why everyone has a website, you know.
You said "eleventeen!" I thought my grandma was the only person to use that number. That's awesome.
"Mortified" was mentioned on This American Life (the tv show), what about Cringe?
You gotta get in a good word with Ira Glass :)
I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants to see Dwight Yoakam in heaven.
Well, Sarah, you know what the only cure for fever is.
I swear that back in the good ol' days I could go several months before AT&T/Cingular/WTF would turn off my service and I ALWAYS paid them in the end. Now they have collected that damn $36 fee from me at least 3 times in the past year because the moment the clock strikes midnight the day my bill is due they shut off my service and make me think my phone went dead. Hey, how 'bout a friendly text reminding me that my bill is due? Jerks. But don't talk to me about signing up for the automatic payment thingy because that is just a slippery slope that leads to getting all your money automatically taken away while you aren't looking.
i'm glad i'm not the only person with that particular version of quicken to do my budget
Sprint's always been very friendly to me and it's starting to feel a little creepy - like creepy Mother-in-law's brother that drinks Pabst and looks at you for ten seconds too long creepy.
Listen, I really think you need to give Toblerones another chance. It's all about the sucking -- you have to suck each triangle of chocolate until the ground-up baby teeth come out and you can squish them in your back molars like the nougatty/almondy/toffee-y goodness they are. My god, the Toblerone is magnificent when done right. Also much cheaper when purchased at Trader Joe's.
"Yes, eleventeen. Negative three. Colorado.”
This is my kind of math.
oh, man, that was an amazing post. for so many reasons. good luck on the book-finishing!
toblerones make me think of wheel of fortune.
I'm totally with you on the Toblerone. I always buy one and get all excited. Then I eat one little piece and I'm like, "Ugh! This is Crap! Why did I do this AGAIN?"
It's a never ending cycle!
Grandmas smell like puke anyway. And menthol. Menthol puke.
Somebody should start a "truth campaign" on Toblerone. They must have a lot of powerful lobbyists in D.C. or something because it seems like they are fooling more than just the absent-minded.
I blame the package, the triangle shape calls out to me as well, pleading with me to try it just one more time, just to "make sure" that its as tasty as a triangle candy bar should be.
hello! i am here by way of melissa (suburban bliss) now i will add you to my list. i laughed out loud 5 times at this post & i too have a love/hate relationship with toblerone! also enjoyed the cell phone monologue..will be back ;)
& my old boyfriend's dog is named que sera sera (but he just calls her sera)
"...third-rate chocolate and ground-up baby teeth..."
Miss Brown, you never fail to turn a phrase that sticks in my head. Forever.
Damn, what a fortuitous bit of surfing to stumble upon you and your brilliant not-a-post post . I think even your shiny brown hair must be funny.