"Indiana Finn. I always knew some day you'd walk back into my bag. I never doubted that. Something made it inedible."
from the times article on the new fish:
The goal is to "develop a more loyal relationship, a more emotional relationship"
Pepperidge Farm worked with an agency [...] as well as child psychologists.
they were made to "reflect the life
experiences of children in the target audience [ages 8 to 10]:[such as] striking a balance between the freedom of autonomy and the safety of home."
"We want to get inside kids' heads"
i don't know about you, but when i was 8 about all i could relate to was claymation fish with limited autonomous freedom. and this relation created a strong desire to eat said fish.
Completely random question from someone who only reads your site when her friend, who loves you and explodes into laughter loud enough to wake the dead as well as get all the dogs in the neighborhood howling, points me in your direction (which means yes, this should totally not count for much at all): how can you eat food from the bowls left on the bar? Regardless of how clean the bar looks, unless you just watched them disinfect the bowl then fill it and set it in front of you, that's like asking 20 complete strangers to do the most disgusting thing of their choice to your lunchtime PB&J before you eat it. *yarks*
I kinda love that Gilbert does Model UN. Geek chic, no?
Okay. Seriously. Let's talk.
I get VERY ANNOYED when commercials, media, and what have you are giving my FOOD personalities. MY FOOD DOES NOT NEED TO HAVE EMOTIONS. It is FOOD for fucks sake!
Because, bottom line, it kind of makes me feel bad when I am munching away on SOMETHING WITH A FACE.
I don't need that guilt, man.
Oh, and I realize that OTHER FOOD has REAL FACES.
So... I don't know why the whole character thing bothers me. But it does.
The end.
what happened to those two vaguely bosom buddies dudes with the acoustic guitars that sang about biting off their heads? I could develop a crush on one of them...
Damn it, now I'm hungry.
...(in a chiding singsong tone) someone's inventing drama...
The last time I named my food was when my father decided to raise a pig for food. We called the pig "Joan," and when the meat came from the slaughterhouse, all of the packages my mother put into the freezer were labeled "Joan Pig: Bacon (date)"
I always thought my family was odd for this... but now that we've named goldfish - I guess not
I find it offensive that Gilbert--the "token black goldfish"--is stuck on the end.
You make me laugh, Sarah Brown.
I went to meet Finn:
"Hi! If you're hungry this site will automatically launch. If you're not hungry it will do the same thing."
It didn't. Launch. And I'm fucking starving right now. Idiots.
I'm personally disappointed that Pretzel Goldfish isn't a pirate. Hello, salty?
No seriously... I completely agree with your old lady rantings! Did you notice the tagline on the bag of Goldfish? The snack that smiles back????? That is so not cool.
Thanks for the laugh, Sarah.
That Eustace Tilley thing almost made me pee my pants.
Can you really trademark "Finn," "Xtreme," "Brooke" and "Gilbert?" If so, I'm pretty sure you're going to have a lot of pissed off Finns, Xtremes, Brookes and Gilberts.
I like how you rant, Sara!
Cameron, that's some impressive investigative reporting. Are you sure you're not neglecting your true calling by wasting your time with this rocket science math business?
The last mix tape I received was in 2003. After that, they've all been CDs. I kind of miss the tapes.
For a very short-lived while, the goldfish jingle went something along the lines of, "the snack that smiles back... until you bite its head off."
I was stunned the first time I saw it. But it certainly stuck in my head.
Even our snack food betrays us. I am perturbed. (Also somewhat hungry.)
Observations upon further exploring the site:
- We are invited to Win a Trip to Meet Drake Bell! I'm pretty sure that asking "Who the fuck is Drake Bell?" just doubled my age.
- The allegedly-frequently asked question "Are Goldfish crackers offered in package sizes other than the traditional bags I am most familiar with?" makes me wonder just whose job it is to know about my snack-packaging familiarity levels.
- I am 75 Goldfish tall.
Patrick Pevehouse! I remember that guy!
I think Brooke is the plain flavor, the soup cracker. Brooke is deliscous.
Oh, my. Thank you SO much for making me feel just the tiniest bit more secure in my own neuroses. You're the best.
ummm ...
You have a tape player?
The song never mentioned that Molly Malone had such enormous, um, bosums. I am thoroughly shocked and awed.
i keep finding mix cds from my last boyfriend (the first one ever to DUMP ME!) and want to throw them from the balcony or break them in half but then i remember that in 20 years time i'll look back fondly on them and i put them back in their cases...
also, i'm failing cupcakes 101 right now, i'm onto my third recipe and cant for the life of me work out what i'm doing wrong!!!! i have till friday to work it out otherwise i'm buying 30 decorated cupcakes from a bakery for my best friends birthday on saturday!
those goldfish you ate at the bar are also known as urine snacks. i'm not mad at cha, i'm just saying. if you had stayed aways from them, you wouldn't be where you are right now. also, i'll make you a mix tape. it's filled with songs that remind my imaginary boyfriend of me when he hears them.
My husband...was a....Model U.N. delegate....
I feel better now, I'm going to start calling him Gilbert.
Hello! I came her by Dooce's sidebar.
I just wanted to mention that I am bored enough at work that I actually just played Gilbert's game. It seems that he is under some sort of spotlight and then he drifts into the shade bumps into something and says "Willikers!". I am dead serious.
What the hell is wrong with the Pepperidge Farm marketing department?
I think inadvertently you amped up Pepperidge's stock yesterday & today. I know I bought a bag of the Gilberts after work yesterday. Thanks.
Marketing success!
This morning I saw a commercial for Jeep that said something about hurrying down for their "model U.N. clearance" and I thought: What's that all about?
Ah! I was having this same rant in my head about Gilbert the goldfish just yesterday! I actually got worked up and resented that my favorite snack cracker is the wimp of the bunch, which I'm pretty sure says something about me.
Watch your stories....
If it helps anything, Ms. Brown, I have a crush on you. (wow! that sounded a lot less creepy in my head)
Aww... my grandmom used to call them "stories" :-)
This is fucking hilarious. Specially the "Pardon me, Pepperidge Farm, but did you just insinuate that my snack cracker is some kind of pussy?" part.
Loving it and just getting into goldfish as a snack cos my son requested them. Not bad at all, didn't know they had the pretzel kind.
I should hate that you're funnier than I am but somehow I don't. ; ) "Okay, what the fuck. Joe American, a milquetoast, a ladypiece, and some vaguely-foreign fellow who snowboards out of helicopters? Is this necessary?" So good. Grazie.
As a dedicated vegetarian, I am thinking perhaps I should cease and desist with the goldfish crackers. I mean, they have faces, they have personalities....they are obviously sentient beings.
I weep for all the goldfish crackers.
Funniest damn thing I've read in a long time. Don't worry if you want to take 'em I've got your back.
My main concern is a bar that has bowls of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish snack crackers. That place does not deserve to be called a "bar."
i once met a scientologist who berrated me for feeding my child goldfish because they had orange food dye that would upset Xenu or something. Seriously, she told me it was abusive to feed children food dye. Yeah.
It's a Pepperidge Farm latter day "miracle of the fishes" without the Mercury poisening, or VD IF you make prayerful choices. (We can't expect Pepperidge Farm to do it all without giving up our free agency.)
What's that you say about "Passions?" I won't be having any of that smart talk about my stories!
You had me at, "baking cupcakes".
I highly recommend a new piece of cakey literature titled, "Crazy About Cupcakes". In it you will find many delicious recipes and decorating techniques. Guaranteed to free your mind of men and corporate mascots.
Sarah Brown, circa 2004.
Okay, apparently that link didn't work.
http://www.knuckletattoos.com/
michael-
pretty sure it's "model year-end clearance", as in, they're offering special deals on the 2006 models because the 2007s just came out. end of the model year....?
My three year old wanted to know why the orange one was pooping in the "water". That's what their marketing is getting them.
Is it me or is Xtreme totally eyeing Finn's caboose? I mean...seriously.
I've consulted wiki on worse. The Pepperidge Farm fiasco, though, is terrifying. Are they afraid that the children (presumably the target market for the snacks)will lose interest before consuming enough goldfish to be hooked, and must keep their attention with personifications?
is xtreme the pizza flavored goldfish or the flavor-basted one? if the former, then he's the rocking-est of the crew, if the latter, he deserves a overly dramatic demise.
I felt that they made Gilbert look like a punk compared to the rest as well. Disgusted, I went to the website about four months ago when I saw it. I played the comfort zone game. It made me uncomfortable. I actually wrote the company a letter of how they made the prezel goldfish appear. THEY NEVER WROTE BACK.
Thank you for speaking out :)
The people must know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't give you the backstory on Gilbert or Extreme, but I did read an interesting article on the firm that developed theh new characters in the October issue of Fortune Small Business
http://magazine-directory.com/Fortune-Small-Business.htm
...feel hungry... see the threats facing web authors at patnox.com
I am glad to know I’m not the only one who spent way too much time with my bag of Goldfish. However, my thoughts took a different turn. With all the new advertising wanting to make itself publicly correct where is the gold fish in a wheel chair, or the blind one with the walking stick?
what is the date on the last mixed tape?